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In any healthy relationship people give to one another in many ways. Sometimes it’s the great gift of time. Other times it’s simply a smile and a hand to hold. And each is getting a gift at the same time. Too often people who have more evolving to do try to keep track of the level of giving in a relationship, and this is destructive.
When someone keeps score in any kind of relationship – friendship, lovers, parent-child, whatever – then that relationship becomes like a business. One has to give to the other before there is any return. And the giving becomes a sales transaction, rather than something to benefit both parties and the relationship overall. This erodes trust. It destroys love.
It’s easy to tell when someone has this mental attitude if there is ever an argument and that person states something like, “Well, I did so much for you at (whatever place, time, etc.).” This is the unhealthy person. That person still needs to evolve as a human being. It could be you. It could be someone you know. That evolution can happen. All it takes is self awareness and a little bit of understanding.
As human beings, when we give freely to someone, out of love and respect, then we are also giving to ourselves. We give the gift of pleasure to ourselves and the gift of self esteem every time we give something to another person. This could be as simple as a smile. Or it could be as complex as sex. Now, of course we don’t want to give sex to just anyone, as that is far too important a gift to give to everyone we meet. It should be special. And in this instance, it should be mutual giving.
A smile is most often mutual giving. If you give it away, you will almost always get one back instantly. When we give love and respect to others, it often returns to us in direct proportion to the level that is has been given. The more we give away, the more we get in return. But it has to be genuine. It has to be freely given.
Expectations in the gift of love devalue it. If a woman starts a relationship with a man and after several months of developing this relationship she expects him to give her money and other gifts because they are sleeping together, then this devalues her love. Eventually he will sense this. And it can kill the love that he was freely giving back to her. Such expectations change the nature of the relationship. Expecting gifts for sex is like conducting business transactions in a bordello. Yes, it might be exclusive. And yes, there could be genuine feelings between the two people. But how is it really any different than being paid for her services?
In our modern world, both men and women have equal earning potential. We have equal nurturing potential. And we have the same capacity for love. And we have the same desires for love, sex, respect, and recognition. We really aren’t all that different, despite genetics. We are the same species. And we need one another.
Mutual giving is the true giving of one another, from the heart, with love and respect, expecting only that the other person receive that great gift of self with the love and respect it is intended upon giving. And if that happens, then the value of that love and giving received in return will be more than any monetary gift can ever be worth.
